In transit

This is not permanent. I will get through this and come out stronger. Some changes are coming and I have no idea what will happen. I hope I can stay positive and make it through this and find something better. I am better than this and the truth will prevail. This is not permanent.

“A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara

A Little Life is a truly epic novel. It follows the seemingly mundane lives of 4 college roommates that spans decades. This book is truly a gift. It is smart, funny, sad, touching, and makes you think. It took me a few months to get through this book simply due to all the details you are given. You wouldn’t think the story of 4 college roommates is actually noteworthy, but Yanagihara makes you feel apart of their lives with such detail that you become invested. I was rewarded with laughter and tears and quite enjoyed this book once I finished. It makes you think what kind of life you are leading and how someone reading about it would see it. If Yanagihara is writing it, you can be sure it will be long but worth it in the end.

“One Day in December”

One Day in December by Josie Silver completely wrecked me. So much so that over a month after reading it, I am still processing it. So much so that I decided to blog again after many months of putting it off.

One Day in December starts off innocent enough- two strangers make eye contact on the bus and share a moment. Laurie lives off that moment for months- wondering what would happen if she met him again in real life. She becomes fixated on it, even so that her roommate, Sarah, becomes encompassed with it. Laurie wonders so often what their reunion would look like that she is completely blindsided when Sarah introduces “bus boy” as her new boyfriend. Laurie is wrecked and doesn’t tell Sarah that her new beau is in fact her long lost bus boy. Laurie lives with this guilt and becomes friendly with “bus boy”, Jack, even though it keeps breaking her heart over and over.

This book takes place across a span of about 10 years and you see the highs and lows of each of these character’s lives. As soon as you think you know what is going to happen next, you get a wrench thrown in and something else happens. This book kept me guessing and rooting for Laurie and Jack to finally get together up until the very end.

I started crying while I finished this book when I was boarding my plane- that is how emotionally invested I was in this story. It is a simple story- two strangers have a meet cute, something goes wrong- but is told so beautifully that you can’t help but gobble it up. I wish I could have more!

I been drinking

I’m not sure why I can’t say no. One drink leads to two and more and I can’t stop. Especially when it’s with work it seems. I drank too much the other night and had to call off work- which I never do so I hope they understand. I’m not sure why I can’t just have a few drinks and call it a night like I should have. I should know by now just I guess I just haven’t learned my lesson yet. I should try and take the next month off from drinking so I can focus on work and get back on track.

“Turtles All The Way Down”

Turtles All The Way Down by John Green is an enjoyable read and a nice follow up to The Fault in Our Stars. Aya has severe mental problems that keep her from living her life. She lost her father and struggles to cope with the daily arguments she has with herself. She struggles to “feel alive” and has to prove that she is real by pressing a cut in her hand. Her best friend does not know how to support her properly and therefore doesn’t help with the situation. Aya’s anxiety is so severe that it prevents her from properly falling in love with her childhood friend. She cannot control her mind and the thoughts she has. She feels out of control and does not know how to get back in control.

Somewhere in this story is a mystery of a lost billionaire. This was less appealing to me than Aya’s struggle to understand her self. I enjoyed being inside Aya’s head and sort of understand what makes her do the things she does. Mental health is a serious conversation and this book does a good job of opening up that conversation and putting it into relatable terms. Welcome back John Green!

how lucky we are to be alive right now

such a strange feeling. this feeling of loss. i didn’t even know Kate or Anthony but somehow i feel connected to them. you never know what struggles someone is going through and you shouldn’t judge someone for it. i spent most of yesterday confined to my bed because i just couldn’t do it. i felt so tired and drained. life is hard and sometimes you need to hit pause. i am fortunate to be able to get up from my “bad day” but some people are not as fortunate. for those people, we need kindness and patience. there is no right or wrong way to be or to be okay. i know that i am not alone and i can ask for help before it is too late.